Read This Before You Leave

Sometimes, people leave not because of selfish reasons, but rather because they just know that staying would only make matters worse

****

I have read this status update yesterday and it made my gears working. You see, just recently, some things in my personal life have become too complex to comprehend that, unlike the usual me, I stopped searching for the answers to my questions. I know that all I was getting was bullsh*t, and it did matter. Big time. But not anymore. Not until I realized that some answers need not be spoken out loud. Some are laid down in front of your naked eyes so that you may understand on your own-- without buts, without why's. 

In a class, we are often asked by our professors if we missed any part of the discussion. Most of the time, we kept quiet even though we really did not get a thing. On an academic level, that would be devastating. However, that's exactly what I was expected to do when he left. I was expected to pretend that I understood every detail of it, though in reality, all I know is that it's clear as a cloudy sky.

"Sometimes, people leave not because of selfish reasons.."

If you are in a mutual relationship, may it be romantic or platonic, what would make you leave the other person behind? A quarrel? A misunderstanding? Infidelity? Third-party? Insecurities? What? Up to what extent, would you reach out for the other person?  

A relationship is a connection between two or more people interacting, understanding and dealing with each other's differences. 

All relationships start falling down when the interactions start to cease. When it is okay not to care, when it is normal not to bother oneself with the other's whereabouts.

For four years, I have met a lot of people in this university. Sadly, of all those people, few are those I could actually call 'friends'. In a system that changes continuously without reference to the interactions made by the students on a semester, it is inevitable that we would lose our contacts with a friend we met on one of our classes. Only the most persistent survives; only the most persistent one is worth keeping. 

I actually am not the persistent type. Most of the time, I keep myself detached from the people around me. I had learned the hard way that being too attached would just make it more difficult for me to accept the fact that at one point, I would actually have to give that person away. This is oftentimes the case with the people I intentionally attach myself to. I just don't have any other option but to learn what proper distance means. Looking at the darker side of it, people actually believe that I am anti-social, or that I am a Nazi. As we go about, we build walls around us so that we may be protected from the cruel realities of this world. Those people who turned their backs when they saw those walls are the ones not worth keeping. Only those who bothered removing these walls, brick by brick, are the ones we have to intentionally attach ourselves to. 

Years ago, I promised myself that if I would ever meet someone whom I could actually talk to, and be me, without any fear of being judged, I would have to go the extra mile for that one person. 

All I have been through this past four months made me realize that at some point, I have to be THAT one who would break someone else's walls, fortresses for some, actually. Then, that point came. (However, this is not the time for that story. :P )

I did what I could. With every wall I shattered, I was happier. The harder it is to break the walls, the more enthusiastic I was.

At the same time, I let him see more of me. I allowed him to see me in my simplest, purest and most honest self. I was slowly attaching myself to him.

I felt that I was making a mark in his story, in his life. I believed I have found an extraordinary friend. It really was extraordinary in a lot of ways, you know. ;)

So, just like a default setting, it all came to an abrupt halt. Without any prologues, no details, no back stories, no anything. Its end was laid down in front of me without having any chance to ask 'why', plead 'wait' or say 'but'. 

The following days of torment and confusion were the most cruel ones. 

*****

When we say we know something, we say that because we believe that it is the absolute truth. 

Palm reading is one of the most common way to foresee one's future. It aims to relate the lines in our palms with the things that we would experience someday. I have tried this twice. Both times, I was just approached by unknown palm readers and they started telling me what, according them, my future holds. 

However fascinating those predictions may be, it is written that we can never know for sure which things or events are about to happen. With this sense of thrill, we have to face each day without knowing what is in store for us. We just have to keep hoping that this day will be fine, that today, I could be the change I want, and that today, I would face everything with my game face on.

"..but rather because they just know that staying would only make the matters worse."


Nowadays, there are a lot of people who act as if they are THE fortune tellers. These are the persons who claim to know that staying in a relationship will only make matters worse. 

When was leaving the other person behind better than fighting the fight together? 
Stop saying that you cannot take it anymore, or that you are bad for each other--that is just plain ______.

Since when was it more right to leave the other person hanging just because you cannot tell the ________ truth? 
The better-keep-things-left-unsaid cliche is only for cowards. (I mean, you. Uh, no, I mean, cowards.)

Is technology so advanced that reaching out to you and not hearing anything from you is considered an interaction? 
I have a trivia! Communication is two-way, mister. Amazing isn't it?

When was giving her up better than risking it?
Giving up allows for the proper recognition of the other person's efforts.Yeah? Seriously. 

Why keep hurting yourself because of the might-have-beens? 
Uh, because not doing anything is way, way better.

Can too much pride make you a better person? 
You're leaving? I bet you answered yes.


Reaching out to someone, who clutches his hands close to his chest in hesitation of reaching out to you too, is pointless. This, my dear, is what 'chasing pavements' stands for.

*****

Leaving is a choice. Hurting someone is also a choice. Leaving someone hurting because you cannot stand up for your reasons is the worst choice you could ever pick.

If you believe that leaving is the best option available, then, go. You are not worth keeping and fighting for.





Lalalala.