unwanted thoughts inside my head

If we are together,

Would we be watching movies weekly? Will I be able to choose which one to watch?
Will you still give me that smile of yours which makes me melt and forget what i am hating about you?
Will you call me in the middle of the night to tell me how much you love me?
Will you stay up to talk to me so that I would fall asleep while studying?
Will we quarrel about which TV show to watch?
Will you watch Dora the Explorer even if you are dying to watch NBA or anything?
Will you hug me tight when I am crying?
Will you let me see you cry?
Will you walk me home?
Will you go down several floors just to say hello?
Will you tell me how much you hate that girl?
Will you make me study harder?
Will you make me happy just by seeing you?


Will you do these, just like how you did all of these before?


 I thought forgetting you would be much harder. I was right. Several years after, you still haunt me. Not much often like before, but often.

Only that there no more pain, no more sadness.

I thought that I would always feel that surge of emotions when I remember you-- as if I am about to take an exam, like I am falling off a building, that familiar fear of what happens next.


I had chosen to end it all up despite that fear. I was unhappy, of course. I know that you were, too.


Four years after, I still think of the what ifs, and they bring about a very wide variety of emotions. Sometimes, those thoughts makes me want to talk to you, again. Sometimes, I just feel happy I had let go of you.


There's no more pain, but somehow, I can't deny the fact that you are always here, in my heart. You may still be loved, but not like how it was back then.


If ever you would come across this post somehow, I want you to know that you are still remembered-- not because I regret doing what I have done, but rather because I am happy..


..and I hope that you are, too.


Can I make a request? Can you just stop popping inside my head at times that I have to study? Someone seriously needs cramming here, you know. :)

I suddenly remembered this song that had really made it hard for me to move on. Just kidding. I love this song, and I would just want to share it with everyone.

MICHAEL JOHNSON
"Bluer Than Blue"

After you go
I can catch up on my reading
After you go
I'll have a lot more time to sleeping
And when you're gone
Looks like things are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

After you go
I'll have a lot more room in my closet
After you go
I'll stay out all night long if I feel like it
And when you're gone
I can run through the house screaming
And no one will ever hear me
I really should be glad

But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

I don't have to miss no TV shows
I can start my whole life over
Change the numbers on my telephone

But the nights will sure be colder
And I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue

 

 

I got the lyrics from http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/michael_johnson/bluer_than_blue.html.